Parenting is one of the most beautiful and challenging things in life. It is a journey of love, laughter, tears, and growth. It is a journey that we all take, and no two children are alike. Parenting has the ability to set you free from selfishness like nothing else can. You learn how to sacrificially care for this new little person who has been entrusted to you.
The Thrive Journey starts from when your baby is born, and continues well into their childhood years. The clinic journey starts when they are just three days old, until they are three years old, and then I offer parenting consults for parents with older children as well. Babies are not just about food and sleep, they are their own unique little people ,and we want to focus on how to raise them to become who they are meant to be. From the minute we lay eyes on them, we want the best for their little lives…
At Thrive, we help you understand what to do during the different psychological phases of development (Attachment, Boundary, Coaching and Consultant stages) and give you practical tools that can be used in context with their unique personality/temperament. This will help you in your parenting journey, to be able to respond appropriately to their needs, so that they can flourish. It can also help you connect to their love languages so that their bucket can overflow.
In the clinic, I help you understand your child’s unique little personality type:
Some children are:
Some can be pure bred, others can be a good mix.
Traits of their little personalities can be observed from as early as birth.
The Strong Willed Adventurers typically do not want to be a baby, they want to be a big child. They are born looking around the hospital. They have a frown and a focus. They breastfeed ferociously and make their parents stand with them, holding them in the ‘magic hold’. They shout to get you moving, and they seem to know when their parent is not giving them one hundred percent attention. The Hippocrates word for this temperament is ‘Choleric’ which sounds a lot like Colic 😉 It can also be seen as similar to Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh.
It’s easier to straighten a banana, than to get them into their car seat. They fight their sleep, and tend to need less sleep than other babies. They crawl early, walk early, and are fearless You have to keep them alive in the beginning. At around seven months old I can recognise them from a mile away by their body language in the clinic. They try to climb their parents like a jungle gym, impatiently get their parents to walk around with them, and by fifteen months of age, they redecorate my room like a tornado has hit it:) In the Boundary stage they test the same boundaries morning, afternoon and night, and only if you stick to it does it register with their world map. They thrive on competition and challenges, and as parents, you need to exhaust them. When they are three they are awesome…you can challenge them saying “I bet you can’t run ten times around the pond before the crocodile eats you” and they will be like “Just watch me!” You can also give them responsibility and chores and say “Your job is to help mommy unpack”. They are natural little leaders. It can can be such a challenge to parent these strong, determined little people and you will need to man up during the boundary stage, but if you do it well, it can be so rewarding and they will be spectacular.
Outgoing Social Butterflies smile early, laugh early, have a big fear of missing out. They tend to be short nappers. At 6 months they only sleep for 30 minutes at a time at 9,12, and 3 and are done for the day, at a year of age they move down to one nap, and at two years they drop all their naps, because life is too short to spend it sleeping. The Hippocrates word for this personality type is Sanguine, and can be seen as similar to Tigger. In the clinic at around 7 months, they do anything to get my attention… They shake their head from side to side, do a fake cough, twinkle their eyes… and then their little face beams when you notice them. People are their toys, and their love language is fun. They know that they are cute and charm their way out of trouble. They love their friends, dress colourfully and can be dramatic. Such delightful little babies to have.
The little Thinkers can tend to be more cautious. As babies they communicate a lot with their eyes, and when they get older tend to be really good with language. They are also strong willed, like the Adventurers, but it is more of an internal stubborn trait like, ‘I know what I want and what I don’t want.’ They can be a bit fussy. The Hippocrates word for this temperament is Melancholic, which also sounds a lot like colic. These babies love their routine and even their moods are by the clock. If mommies observe these babies, they will clearly notice how they actually put themselves into a routine.
In the clinic at 7 months, they appear more serious and they will be like “I’ll high five you from a distance, don’t just grab me.” At 9 months they can be more like velcro babies. They are happy with granny or nanny in the day and then they see mom and start moaning. It’s actually a compliment, it means you are their favourite person and they feel emotionally safe with you! As I mentioned, they are often very good with language and can surprise you with words at 9 months. When they are three they come up with astounding words like ‘hypothesis’. I recommend that everyone speaks a different language to them, and they will learn them all. As they grow, they are learning sponges and will play systematically with their puzzle, lego, toys… Don’t just jump on them and say spontaneously ‘we are going to the beach,’ as they will be like, ‘I haven’t finished my puzzle yet.’ The older they get the stronger willed they become. Very specific. I would like my bread cut in triangles, not squares. At three, they are as strong willed as the Strong Willed Adventurers, but more in a stubborn, cautious, don’t move my ducks kind of way. This strength will stand them in good stead because at school they will be the ‘teachers dream’ and everything to them, is very important and urgent. They need boundaries to feel safe, and at school they will act like the little prefects. They need understanding of their intense emotions, and I can help you with some wonderful parenting tools for this that can help you feel as though you have a magic wand.
These babies are dream babies. The more they sleep in the day, the better they sleep at night. Parents often call me, worried that their child is sleeping too much. My advise is too enjoy it! These types of babies either have a chilled dad or mom, and have inherited that wonderful ability to sleep. They can be put down to sleep without rocking or feeding. A pure bred one might crawl later, walk later and talk later. Often, by two years of age they are only saying two words, and the parents get all stressed and want to take them to the speech therapist. But after two they start talking. This happens because they like to think about something before saying it. Even as an older child, you can’t just pry out of them how their day was after school. They may say “You are asking too many questions, you are making my head hurt.” When they are comfortable, often at bed time they will start to talk, and then you really need to listen as it will be deep. The Hippocrates word for this temperament is Phlegmatic. As babies, they often prefer to be fed blended food, and they let their parents hold their bottle for them, They are excellent travellers in the car seat, and at baby classes they just lie still for their massage. They love to observe and as a baby will just stare at the instructor until they are ready to smile. They love to be around people, like the social butterfly, but they don’t necessarily advertise themselves. They will sit on their parents lap as a toddler at a party and say ‘that was a wonderful party’. For these children, who you are, is more important than what you do. They love quality time, and physical touch, and hate conflict. As they grow, they shouldn’t be oversheduled as they need their down time. As I mentioned, for these babies, sleep induces sleep and they are best left undisturbed, unless of course they are swinging from the chandeliers at midnight or waking up at 2am to play. At a play school/creche, they will even have long naps to block out the noise of the other kids playing. Even at the age of four they are still sometimes having a good day nap.
All people and babies have different temperaments. We all have different traits and unique ways of perceiving/ experiencing the world. You are not subject to this alone, and you can grow to overcome weakness and develop strengths. You can help your children to grow and develop in this too.
More on the parenting stages…Attachment is a deep emotional bond between a child and their caregiver. It is formed in the early years of life and has a profound impact on the child’s development. In the clinic we help you understand the different stages of parenting. In this stage they are learning trust, which sets the stage for all of their future relationships. In their little minds, they develop a belief that someone has got their back, no matter what.
The boundary stage starts from 18 months till 5years. It is crucial to do this stage well as 80 percent of their emotional intelligence is formed by this stage. If you do it well, everyone else will enjoy your children too. I always say that the Dad’s role is so imperative here as well. With boys it’s the fun and the discipline…(Dad let’s wrestle, or make it easy for mom to put on your nappy. And Daddy’s little girl. If she has a good relationship with dad, she will have a good identity, and look for someone good to marry one day.) Often if teachers are having issues at school with children, it is because something went wrong during the boundary stage. It is critical for children to learn to interact with the world in a way that people will receive them well. The boundary stage is also the most protective phase in that you choose well which friends you expose them to. This will help them discern how to build good friendships and they won’t allow people to devalue them.
In the clinic, I give you some wonderful, practical tools on how to do the Boundary stage well and how to handle the crazy tsunami’s of emotions that toddlers and young children tend to have. I like to use the symbol that this stage is like a hedge, not a saw. It is not autocratic, nor permissive. Permissive parenting is a parenting style characterised by low demands and low responsiveness. Permissive parents have few rules and expectations for their children, and they are often reluctant to discipline.
Autocratic parenting is a parenting style characterised by high demands and low responsiveness. Autocratic parents have many rules and expectations for their children, and they are often strict and punitive.
At Thrive, we advocate for an attachment-based parenting style. We believe that children thrive when they feel loved, accepted, and secure. We also believe that parents should set clear limits and expectations, but that they should do so with empathy and respect.
I am against both permissive and autocratic parenting styles. Permissive parenting does not provide children with the structure and guidance they need to thrive. Autocratic parenting can damage children’s self-esteem and sense of security. With a baby it can ruin the trust relationship, and with a teenager, it can cause rebellion. One day they will be like..’speak to the hand.’
We want to have wonderful, connected relationships with our children that can be enjoyed for the rest of our lives.
The best parenting is not about perfection. It is about being present, patient, and loving. It is about setting limits and boundaries, but also about giving our children the freedom to explore and learn. It is about teaching our children how to be kind, compassionate, and responsible adults.
It is also about being our own best selves. When we are happy and healthy, our children are more likely to be happy and healthy too. So take care of yourself, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
Parenting is a beautiful journey, and it is one that we should all cherish.
Here are some key principles of beautiful parenting:
It is also key how you respond when they open up to you. It is important to be their safe space so that they will not be embarrassed to tell you if they mess up in the future.
Beautiful parenting is not always easy, but it is always so worth it. When we parent with love, respect, and understanding, we help our children to grow into happy, healthy, and successful adults. We are building a lifelong relationship with them. The way you build with them now will determine the quality of relationship that you will have with them in the future.
What is the vision for the quality of relationship that you would like to have with your child both at present and in the future? If your vision is clear, it will give you the stamina, persistence and imagination to practice and enjoy healthy parenting.
To book a parenting consult, contact me on 082 553 4092. We will be delighted to journey with you.
For course dates, information and booking WhatsApp Andrea on 082 553 4092.